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Handling the joy and stress of the holidays I have just returned from a spectacular vacation touring Yellowstone Park, the Grand Tetons and the Grand Canyon. I am awestruck by the magnificence of our country and all the wonderful vistas, views, and people who touched me along the way on this trip! There are no words to describe the feelings I had as I stood and just looked at all these marvels. It was truly a life altering experience for me and I want to recommend these places to everyone because they are filled with openness, peace, and serenity in our world of pressure and stress. Speaking of stress as the holidays approach and we begin preparing for them, we are all reminded of their joy and their stress. This time can be particularly difficult for our loved ones because of their various levels of being able to interact with other family members and friends. Below are some suggestions for getting through the holidays in a happier and more fulfilling way. Involve your loved one in planning for your holidays and how they want to participate. This gives you an opportunity to find out what they want, what you want, what activities they will feel comfortable participating in, and which ones they want to avoid. Honor their wishes. Don’t surprise your loved one with a big family gathering. Unexpected situations can be extremely stressful for people with any type of mental health issue or any other illness. Make them aware of all events so they can choose how they wish to participate. Do not take it personally if they do not want to do something – it is not about you. It is about what they need to do for themselves to stay stable. Allow your loved one to take time outs from activities when they desire. This will help them remain more comfortable participating and give them a sense of control. Be careful what foods and beverages you and others serve to your relative. Some beverages and all alcohol are dangerous when taken with psychiatric medications. So be sure you have the right ones and you let others know what your loved one can consume. This can make a tremendous difference in their moods and behavior. Don’t’ feel responsible for your loved one’s mental illness. Illness is either genetic, biological, physical, or spiritual. You have no control over these things for another person. All you can do is support and love them and care for them as needed, guiding them to be the best they can be. Don’t confuse the illness with the person who is suffering. Your loved one has an illness, they are not their illness. They are a person underneath who needs comfort and structure. Don’t take their symptoms personally. For example, if your relative is “crabby” don’t assume that it is about you. They could just be feeling bad. So be patient and supportive and give them time and space to recover. Have fun and laughter with your loved one. Laughter helps everything go better and having fun together makes people relax, and then they feel less stressed. If laughter does not come, be patient and keep your own sense of humor. Most importantly, have your own life. You need to take good care of yourself in order to have the energy it takes to nurture someone who is ill. Plan pleasurable times with friends. Go out with people. Give yourself a rest. Enjoy old friends and new ones. Forgive yourself and relative for whatever. Meditate or pray – turn it over to God and let go. Take walks and exercise. And know your limits and stick to them. Tip for the month: Ask for help from everyone so you do not get exhausted and irritable.
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