At a recent NAMI support group meeting, attendees were
talking about the emotional
toll we experienced when placing a loved one in the
psychiatric hospital or
residential treatment center. I shared with the group our
own experience of placing
our young son in both types of facilities. We knew it would
be difficult, but we
completely unprepared for the sense of grief that followed.
I commented that we may
have endured it better if we had anticipated it. Others in
the group let out a chorus of
agreement. It was something none of us had shared before.
We continued with a discussion about the stages of grief
which include:
Shock & denial
Pain & guilt
Anger & bargaining
Depression, reflection, loneliness
Upward turn
Reconstruction
Acceptance & hope
In sharing our experiences, we discovered every member of
the family experienced
grief including our loved one who was admitted to the
facility.
What we learned through mutual sharing, is that
experiencing grief over out-of-home
placement is normal. We all agreed that we needed to
acknowledge the grief, face
it, and have confidence that there would be light at the end
of the tunnel. Some
members shared that getting grief counseling for themselves
helped them endure
this emotionally painful time.
Additionally, we realized that we needed to talk about
our need to grieve with those
who were supportive and didn’t minimize our feelings.
Knowing that others went
through exactly the same process lightened our emotional
burden.
As a result of our openness, others in the group, who had
recently placed, or were
about to place their loved one in a facility, would be able
to recognize the onset of
grief when they experienced it. Hopefully, they would manage
the grief process
better because they expected it and viewed it as normal.
Generally, we connect grief with death rather than with
hospitalization or treatment.
It’s a process that brings us closure. The support group was
a safe haven for us to
share our personal experiences with grief. It created a
supportive environment in
which we were able to give ourselves permission to process
our own feelings of
deep sadness over family separation and dealing with the
seriousness of our loved
one’s illness.
